Tuesday, May 22, 2007

AARRUGHGHGH

So after that post, my husband comes home with news of two referrals for him to post on jobs back in BC.

We really hashed things out before and during dinner, trying to get to the bottom of my confusion. As usual, it's me trying to appease people and not to disappoint anyone. Taking Ethan to MY school for kindergarten would go against me wanting him to go to the neighbourhood school where he can meet the neighbourhood kids. Working 2-3 days a week would still entail me putting on the various concerts, as well as the Christmas concert, talent shows, airbands, music festivals, choirs etc. Except instead of fitting those practices into my 5 day work week like I have now, I'd be cramming them into the 2-3 days I'd be at work.

I know what my head is telling me. My heart just doesn't want to disappoint anyone. And my heart is filled with such gratitude for someone bending over backwards for me....like I said, I feel very humbled about her doing all the flexible scheduling.

And what about me? How do I really feel about this situation. All I care about is not disappointing anyone or putting anyone out. How fucked up is that?

1 comment:

  1. Ack! Sounds like you too are suffering from the curse of the "good girl". Ultimately though, it's your show, you know?

    Can I just say that I would be thrilled to have you back in Vancouver, and would love to dangle the possibility of a whole new set of snot-nosed, farting, belching kidlets in front of you?

    I knew you'd like that.

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